Tribute to Arla Allen—as shared at her celebration of life and resurrection service on Sept 29, 2012

Good morning.  Arla would want me to greet you in the name of our Risen Lord.  It is by his blood that today she sits in paradise with her God.  I am Mary Ann, the oldest child of Arla and Harold.  Being the oldest, and quite frankly the bossiest, I get to speak on behalf of Arla’s children.  I have two children, Erik and Evan with my husband Joe.  My younger sister Janeen and her husband Bob have three children,  Kelsey, Zachary and Jared.  Our baby brother Carlton is Dad to Sarah, Megan, and Savanna.   Mom was our greatest supporter, our gentle leader, the lover of everything we did, and the foundation of our lives.  She met our needs, soothed our fears, and gave us a zest for living.  She also showed us the power of God in our lives.  She never demanded respect or love.  As we prepared to offer to tribute to our mother, we realized how completely impossible it is to say all that she was to all people.  How can you open the hearts of many to see what she did in their lives?  You cannot.

Her example was our teacher.  Her fortitude was our compass.  Her love was our fortune and treasure.  So what was it really like growing up with Arla as a mom?   She was fun and frustrating, perfect and flawed at the same time.  She made us fight our own battles.   She loved unconditionally. However, living in the midst of that love everyday made us immune to the full effect of its power.  Last night we listened over and over as you shared your stories of how our mother touched your lives.  These were very specific, special moments.  How her touch showed compassion, how her smile changed your mood, how her attitude spurred you on, how her concern and the sound of her speaking your name calmed your fears.  We are only beginning to understand the power of her love.  When you were one of her children, that unwavering love seemed normal….nothing special really.  We knew we were loved.  We never doubted it.   But, we are all convinced that those outside her immediate family benefited from her love and devotion far more than we did.  She was by far the most unselfish person we know.   Unselfish to the point of choosing not to overindulge any of us, and instead meet our needs and then spread some love around.  How comforting it is to know that our Holy Father loves us like this…constant, unwavering, eternal…but his love for us is far deeper than anything Arla gave us.  And even as I took my mom’s love for granted, I do the same with the love God has for me.  During the last year, God has been teaching us, through Mom, to seek his love and be present in it.

Almost a year ago, on Mom’s birthday I read devotional with  a Living Bible translation of Hebrews 10:24 which says  “In response to all he has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good.”  The devotion was about the importance of being a builder of people.  My parents were a building team.  Dad built the physical homes and businesses that people live and work in daily.  And Mom built up the people who dwelled and toiled there.  Together they did a lot of building…. and their teamwork was still strong even until her last moments.  After reading this devotional, I wrote the following on Mom’s blog, the title of the post was…Be a builder of people. “The title of this post could be Arla’s mission statement.  She has spent her entire life being a builder and encourager of people.  She has an unselfish nature.  And that unselfishness has become embedded in the fabric of her family.  We have all become encouragers and builders of those around us.  We love everyone and feel most fulfilled when we are helping others.”

Mom spent many days calling and writing to people, those who were ill or going through loss.  Driving people to school or appointments.   She knew people, sincerely cared about them, and remembered them by name.  Whether they were former customers of the Van Wert Gospel Gift Shop or patrons calling to make reservations at the Van Wert Civic Theatre, Mom knew these people and greeted them by name.  The way she made people feel in her presence was her gift.  Arla remained a people builder even after her stroke.  She was touching the lives of people at Vancrest and building them with her smile and her strength.  There are so many people we talked to last night that only knew Mom because she lived at Vancrest.  She spoke volumes to these people even though she could not form words.   During the last year, Mom could not speak; she was unable to move her right side; she could not care for herself.  However, she was still encouraging people everyday.  What are we not doing in our lives that we could be doing?  What is holding us back from doing the full work of our lives?  What opportunities are we missing to be a help to others?  Who needs you today?  Mom let nothing hold her back.  Yesterday afternoon at Vancrest a service of remembrance was held in Mom’s honor.  Such a service has never been done for a resident who has died.  However, those who knew her felt the need to gather in her memory.  She brought happiness and comfort to those who worked with her and met her.  I think she had become the light of the rehab.

The last year has been chaos and joy mixed together.  Joy for those who met Mom and worked with her and visited her.  Chaos as the business of caring for a disabled loved one piles on us.  Joy for Harold and Arla who got to spend many hours of quality time together.  Joy for their children to watch them be tender and loving with one another.  Chaos as life routines changed, guilt welled up, frustration took over, and anger wormed its way into the day.  But one joy has overpowered all chaos.  The joy is the knowledge that so many faithful believers prayed daily for Mom’s healing.  We, her children, must admit that we never prayed for Mom’s full and complete healing.  We never believed it would happen.  We know many of you did pray for her to regain the ability to walk and talk.  Your faithfulness to prayer is what held us up through this last year.  Thank you for this.  However, we now see that our doubt was silly for today our mother is fully healed.  She walks and talks …..  and sings.

Mom underlined some verses in James Chapter 1 in a Mom’s devotional Bible she gave to Janeen.  These words from James explain clearly how Mom went about her daily life and what she confirmed to us to be her faith in God.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent… and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Mom lived the word of God.  As is said in James Chapter 1, do not just listen to the word of God.  We must do what it says.  My mom showed me daily how to live the word of God.  Her Christlike compassion set my siblings and me on a path of success.  Her quiet nature strengthened her marriage to our dad.  Her nurturing spirit has been placed in the hearts of her grandchildren.  On the morning of Mom’s stroke, Mom’s nurse was asking Mom about her family.  “Do you have any grandkids?” the nurse asked.  Mom replied, “Yes.”  “Well, how many,” the nurse asked.  “Eight,” Mom said.  “What ages?” the nurse asked.  Mom never replied.  She was having the stroke at that moment.  How fitting that the last verbal conversation Mom had was about her grandchildren, who all carry pieces of her.

Kelsey has been given the singing gift and exudes the quiet, calming listening skill that her grandma had.  And while she may not believe it, she has Grandma’s rock solid strength in time of distress. When her own mother was ill a year ago, Kelsey stepped up and took charge. She is the oldest and she is the peacemaker.

Zachary can calm with a touch.  His is quiet observer who is thinking about the situation and how to best approach it.  If you walk in a room with a baby, Zach is the first one who wants to get his hands on that baby.  Babies love Zach,  and Zach loves babies.  Just like Grandma did.  Zach has the gift of the unspoken conversation.

Jared and Grandma had a special bond.  Jared is a people person, a question asker, a charmer, a talker, a free spirit who livens the room when he walks in.  Grandma was the only person who would play games with Jared when he was little.  These games had unwritten rules and usually ended with Jared stomping off because Grandma was not playing right.  But Grandma was always up for a challenge, just like Jared is.  Jared loves the uncharted territory and has also been given Grandma’s musical gift and gift for people.  Rarely, does Jared ask me a question without saying my name first.

Sarah also calls people by name. She has the quiet nurturing touch of Grandma.  She is a caregiver.  She is happiest when she is caring for others….sounds just like Arla, doesn’t it.

I am sure many of your met Megan last night.  I do not need to describe Megan.  If you met her, you felt special and loved.  She stood in the receiving line near Grandpa for most of the night…extending her hand and introducing herself.  She offered words of comfort.  “My grandma was a nice lady.”  “You are probably sad about my grandma.”   Later, she moved down the line and greeted those waiting.  She was rock solid, caring, and unwavering last night.  She has the gift for loving and accepting all people. Sound familiar?

Erik finds peace in understanding how the world works and where he fits into it.  Grandma and he were attached at the hip for the early years of his life.  I watched her model her faith for him.  She introduced him to prayer and showed him how prayer is important.  He went to prayer team meetings with her.  I have watched my son pray publicly and specifically for the needs of others.  He has many of Grandma’s gifts…music, love, faith, sense of humor… but he seems less like Grandma than the other grandkids.  I believe he is the mustard seed in the family.  Grandma has planted one of her talents in him and he will grow it to be strong.

Evan is the lover of all.  If you need some love, or sugar, as we call it in our family, Evan is there. Without prompting, he will tell you he loves you or offer a hug.  He sees the world as a beautiful place.  He approaches life from a happy angle.  He has Grandma’s talent for knowing what is needed in the moment. With one small token or gesture, that would seem insignificant at any other time, Evan changes the mood.  And he also has the musical gift.  I think I have a fine tenor in the works with Evan.

And little Savanna.  She is so calm and sweet.  Just being in her presence makes you happy.  Being only 2 years old, he will probably not remember Grandma, but she has many of Grandma’s gifts.

Mom knew she had the right ticket…the ticket to heaven….and she would tell you today to get your ticket.  How comforting it was for Harold to hear her say after her heart attack, “You know I am not afraid to die. I know where I am going.”  Mom would also tell you to not feel one ounce of guilt for meaning to send her that card or not being able to make that visit.  She would tell you to pass it on to someone else.  There are plenty of people who need to feel the presence of God in their lives.  It is now our job to pick up the slack and pass on the message of love.   God, our Father, loves us so much that he sent his Son Jesus to die on the cross to pardon our sin.  God waits for us in Glory.  We can all see Arla again.  All it takes is the acceptance of God’s grace.  Christ waits to have relationship with each of us.  Mom did not fear death.  She understood that death was the passage to life eternal.   Today she is whole, perfect, loved, and singing loudly.  She has not been taken from us but has been received by her Holy Father.  And one day, if we have right ticket,  she will greet us with her smile.  Thanks be to God.