Consider it pure joy!

Madeleine Hsu had just turned six in July.  She was beautiful… inside and out.  Her family has not been active in the media and has asked for privacy.  Everyone handles tragedy differently.  And when a young person dies, it is devastating to the family and community.

I read a devotional today about perspective.   Perspective in the sense of looking at things from a larger frame of reference.  As the New Year is about to begin, I want to live more in God’s perspective.  This is not easy because I know that in doing so I will have to face trials, my errors, and temptation head on.   I believe that God is pushing me to seek his wisdom this year rather than my own knowledge.  Only through God’s wisdom have I been able to handle life in the last year.  Of course, I spent a lot of time trying to do it with my own knowledge.  It is just human nature to get it done ourselves, to do things that feel right to us, and to walk around the hard stuff.  There is nothing wrong with walking right into the fire, letting your heart break, brushing off the world, turning to God, slowing down, and being quiet.

Right now God is not even whispering to me.  He is speaking in a conversational voice…but at a very fast pace.  His requests of me are many and specific.  I am going to have to begin taking notes and praying about them.  I pray that God is working in your life for the New Year.

Lauren Rousseau, age 30, was having the best year of her life, according to her mother.  She had just been hired at Sandy Hook as a permanent substitute teacher.  Her degree was in English and psychology with a Masters in Elementary Education.  I connect with her.  My undergraduate degree is in Elementary Education.  I got an English licensure after getting my Masters in Curriculum and my license in administration.  I substitute taught for several years, much of my time in one elementary school.  I knew every child in that building.  I am sure Lauren knew every child at Sandy Hook.

In all this tragedy and throughout the last year, I seem to cry out to God a lot….A LOT.  I am really working to find the joy in my world….there is MUCH joy.  More than I sometimes allow myself to realize.  And I am reminding myself that God delivers us….but that he also places trials in our paths.  The comment from Lauren’s mom about her having the best year of her life, reminded my of Psalm 90.  I have chosen the New Living Translation because verse 10 says, ” But even the best of these years are filled with pain and trouble.”  We are not promised eternal happiness in this world….but we are promised that in the next.

Psalm 90

1 A prayer of Moses, the man of God. Lord, through all the generations you have been our home!2 Before the mountains were created, before you made the earth and the world, you are God, without beginning or end. 3 You turn people back to dust, saying, “Return to dust!” 4 For you, a thousand years are as yesterday! They are like a few hours! 5 You sweep people away like dreams that disappear or like grass that springs up in the morning. 6 In the morning it blooms and flourishes, but by evening it is dry and withered. 7 We wither beneath your anger; we are overwhelmed by your fury. 8 You spread out our sins before you — our secret sins — and you see them all. 9 We live our lives beneath your wrath. We end our lives with a groan. 10 Seventy years are given to us! Some may even reach eighty. But even the best of these years are filled with pain and trouble; soon they disappear, and we are gone. 11 Who can comprehend the power of your anger? Your wrath is as awesome as the fear you deserve. 12 Teach us to make the most of our time, so that we may grow in wisdom. 13 O LORD, come back to us! How long will you delay? Take pity on your servants! 14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, so we may sing for joy to the end of our lives. 15 Give us gladness in proportion to our former misery! Replace the evil years with good. 16 Let us see your miracles again; let our children see your glory at work. 17 And may the Lord our God show us his approval and make our efforts successful. Yes, make our efforts successful!

Allison Wyatt’s sweet picture jumped off the page at me when I read about her.  My heart also felt especially moved to pray for her family.  Some of the messages from the families are so uplifting and hopeful.  Allison’s family seems more overwhelmed.  I became emotional when they described her as a budding artist who used their home as an art gallery and hung her artwork on the walls.  Evan does that in our house.  I, once again, was reminded of the joy a six-year-old can bring you in an instant.  They draw that beautiful picture of the two of you holding hands, hug you, or  kiss you.  Nothing makes the world seem more right then having your child in your lap.  I know Allison’s family is suffering immense loss.  As are all those who are helping these families, this school, and this community.  I am now half-way through the list of those killed on Dec 15.  The list is long.  The suffering will be long.  Psalm 31:9 is my prayer.  “Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.”

On that Friday morning, Dylan Hockley, an autistic boy, and his special education aid Anne Marie Murphy saw evil.  Evil came in to one of the happiest place they knew…a classroom.  Anne Marie held Dylan, loved him in his last earthly moments; was trying to shield him from danger, and died with him in her arms.  In every school in America, there are teachers who love their students this much.  No, they will not all be tested and asked to pay the ultimate price…but this kind of love and caring is present in the educators of America.

All present in America is a spectrum of people….complete evil to total good and everything in between.  So many souls are broken and hurting and wanting comfort.  Evil is everywhere around us… but God is with us.  This made me think of Jesus’ birth and how threatening his power was to King Herod.  Herod wanted this newborn King killed.  When the Magi outsmarted Herod and forewarned Mary and Joseph to flee with the infant, Herod had male children under two killed.  Yes, this is a horrible story.  One that is difficult to read when you really think about what it means.

The advent calendar in our house is a series of little books…one for each day… that contain bits of the Christmas story.  They are also ornaments that are hung on the tree.  A good portion of the story is about Herod…yes, it is out of order…Herod’s order to slaughter the children would have come two years after Jesus’ birth.  But the retelling of Herod made it very clear to me that God is in control.  He has a plan for the world and for each of us.  God also understands what it means to suffer loss.  I am comforted by this.

I will leave you with this….I am stronger, more compassionate, less indifferent, and closer to my God because of the trials and suffering in my life.  God knows what I need and provides.

Jessica Rekos was the first born.  Her family called her the little CEO because of the way she carefully thought out and planned everything.  She loved everything about horses and had a passion for orca whales.  Her little brothers miss her.

I am thankful for all I have and for everyone in my life.  But sometimes it is just hard to be thankful.  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says: “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  I am really supposed to give thanks at 6 a.m. while I am trying to sleep on an air mattress in my sister’s living room and have just been awakened by my dad talking very loudly to my brother in the kitchen.  So I lie there with Evan snuggled up next to me; Erik and Joe are close by on another air mattress.  I am warm, I am healthy.  The house is full of all the people I love most in the world.  AND….my dad is in the kitchen talking loudly.  He is here with us in our midst.  I am thankful.

Last night I was reminded that all my efforts, when for the glory of my Father, are good enough.  It was Christmas Eve; I was asked to sing “O Holy Night” with my newest singing friend Jake Wilder; Jake and I were well-prepared; we were being accompanied by seasoned professionals; the setting was beautiful and inspiring; the air in the church was extremely dry; I fought through every note; I prayed that my voice and the words would inspire; and, then, I got the the last note–not even the highest one I would sing in that song–and faltered.  The vocal cords were done; they slammed shut; done with that song and the last whole note.  So, I instantly thought….oh, heck…that was awful.

This morning, after I woke, I had a different viewpoint of the event.  It was not an awful performance.  It was my best effort possible at that time…under those circumstances.  God does not ask us to be perfect….He just asks us to give of our talents and to work for His kingdom.

And still today, on the day we celebrate Christ’s birth, I have sorrow.  I know how much I miss my mom, and I can only imagine how much 27 families are missing their loved ones.  Today, I pray for the family of Jesse Lewis.  I pray that I have the courage to walk into trials and not shy away from them.   Jesse sounds like a child who lived with the light of Christ in him.  If Jesse can do it, so can I.  Here is an excerpt from his obituary….

“Jesse McCord Lewis was an amazing child, full of light and love that was unmistakable in his presence. He brought joy to the world with his infectious and radiant smile. He was smart and compassionate beyond his years. Jesse died bravely trying to lead other children to safety. He ran into the hallway to help when he heard the shots. In our hearts we already knew because that was the way he lived his life – fearless, full of courage and strength.

We take comfort in knowing what a brave child he was. His actions were consistent with the way he lived his life; passionately embracing everything, a perfect combination of courage and faith, like a little soldier, his favorite toy. The love we shared was abundant and all encompassing.”

Just watched a video of beautiful Ana M Marquez-Greene singing a hymn while her brother, age 9, accompanied her on the piano.  Beautiful tone, beautiful diction, beautiful smile.  She sang these words….

Come, thou almighty King,
	help us thy name to sing,
	help us to praise!
	Father all glorious,
	o'er all victorious,
	come and reign over us, Ancient of Days!

I think this shall be my prayer today… come almighty King…help me sing your praises….bless my family and keep us safe.  Amen!

Grace McDonnell had the dream of becoming an artist who created and sold her paintings on the beach.  She loved to create art and color her world beautiful.   One of her common images in her work was a peace sign. Her parents report she loved school so much that she would skip to the bus.  She loved her classmates and her school.  Her family is amazing.  They described how they used Grace’s collection of Sharpie markers to draw and write on her white casket….a casket so white that it took Grace’s mom’s breath away when she saw it.  She said she felt as it the floor was dropping out from under her.  But as the family drew and wrote notes on this white vessel, the color and beauty of it made them feel alive again.  They said the entire surface was covered with color.

Hearing Grace’s mom and dad talk about her and the school she attended, I really wondered what I know about my children.  What joys and frustrations do they have during the parts of the day I am not with them?   I mourned every second I could have spent with them and did not.  Why would I choose to not be with them when I could?

Today, I learned about Josephine Gay.  Wow!!!  Her family is such an inspiration to me.  Please read their statement… please read about Joey.  I have a feeling that she and my mom are having a conversation today!!!!

Family of Josephine Gay, 7, releases statement – WFSB 3 Connecticut.

As the confusion and tragedy and heartache of the Sandy Hook events unfold, everyone looks for an answer.  I, too, wish that the energy of Olivia Rose Engle was still in this world.  She was an amazing little girl and even took musical theatre classes….I bet she lit up a room.  And in the midst of all this I see posts like this on social media:  “It is time to put God back in schools.”  What does that mean?  What does that imply?  It implies that God is not in our public schools….that he has been forced out.  I whole heartedly disagree with the notion that God is not present in our schools.

Could you all do me a favor? Please stop making the following statements:  So and so is removing God from the public schools; God is not allowed in the schools; or there is no prayer in schools.  ALL OF THESE ARE FALSE STATEMENTS. I take God into school with me everyday. I pray in the school. I am never afraid to speak of my faith.   I have never encountered a rule that would disallow a student to pray or read the Bible in my school.  However, I do not lead prayer, will not teach my faith or force this faith on anyone. THE HOME IS WHERE FAITH IS TAUGHT. AND, I am tolerant of all other beliefs in my classroom….tolerance that our Constitution demands. I do not live in a Christian nation…. I live in a nation of religious tolerance. If you want God in your child’s classroom, teach him to live by God’s word, lead him in his faith by praying at home and attending church, and send him to school with God.