Consider it pure joy!

Today, I remember the name Rachel Davino.  She was an employee at the school.  She was 29, and one report indicated her boyfriend was about to propose to her.  Like the other staff killed at Sandy Hook Elementary, she reportedly was defending and protecting students at the time of her death.  There are Rachels everywhere….I know her….my children learn in her classrooms, I work with her, I plan lessons with her, I solve problems with her, I exchange laughter with her, and I trust get to do her job….and she does it well.   Teachers are in it for the children….in it all that way.  Teachers and school employees are a selfless group.  It saddens me that in recent years we are not portrayed that way.

I was reminded of selflessness yesterday at the funeral of Dr. Robert Scheidt.  All he did and all he accomplished was due to the ability of God to work in and through his life.  I was also reminded when my sister–Janeen Thelen– wrote the following post.  Giving of self is to live according to the example of Christ.

‘Tis the season to be jolly? Ever wonder who first said that? Christmas is quickly approaching and I have tried my hardest to enjoy it, but I have found myself in tears the last two nights from being stressed about… you guessed it… Christmas. For the first 15 years Bob Thelen and I were together, we tried to juggle the time we spent with all our family that was on opposite sides of the state (I realize we are fortunate to be in the same state). As a result, I only spent 5 of those Christmas Days with the Allen side of the family in order to keep peace on earth. I found myself feeling angry and full of regret because my mom sacrificed that for me and now she is not here to celebrate with me here on earth. Then, I remembered what my mom told me. It is similar to what Kris Kringle said in Miracle on 34th Street: “Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind … ” Mom was a giving, selfless person. She told me that whatever day we were together was Christmas. We could make Christmas any day we wanted, and that day WOULD BE Christmas. The important thing was just that we were together. Tonight my sister, Mary Ann Falk and her husband reminded me of that when they changed the day Santa will come to their house due to a last minute change in our holiday plans. This gesture reminded me that Mom is here on earth with me… she lives on in the heart and soul of my sister, my children, and even me. I miss her smile, her soft hugs, the good smell of her perfume, her laugh, and her voice; but, it is comforting to know that the best parts of her are here to stay!!

Today the world is without Daniel Barden, age 7. He was described as an “old soul”….kind and often holding doors for people. Today, let each of us practice kindness toward one another.  Hold a door for open for someone today, smile at that person, say good morning or Merry Christmas or God bless you, and remember Daniel.  I am convinced that this simple mission will change a life today….just as I am sure Daniel’s acts of kindness changed lives.  We never know who is going to need us….be kind today…. and let God use it to help someone.

Today I mourn the loss of Jack Pinto, age 6.  Reports say he was a Giants fan.  I can only imagine the energy of this young boy.  He is buried today.  I pray for physical and emotional strength for his family.  

I pray that I can focus my efforts and energy in the best direction today, and forever, to increase security and preparedness in my school and the schools of my children.  Unfortunately, there is no ONE answer….so we must all ponder and consider and not waste our energy pointing fingers. I am dismayed that people say God is not allowed in schools.  No, I cannot teach about my Lord and Savior….but I take Him and His light with me everyday.  God is in my classroom.  I pray everyday that I am example of love and tolerance and strength to my students.  I am not afraid to speak of my faith if a student asks, and my coworkers know that I am a follower of Christ.  Today, I am going to look for ways to let my beacon shine a little brighter.  

Today, I will begin a period of mourning.  Everyday, until the list is exhausted, I am going to focus on praying and remembering one of the Sandy Hook victims.  Today, I am remembering Charlotte Bacon, age 6.  I look at my son’s class composite picture. I see all those bright, beautiful faces. I cannot fathom a moment in time when every one of them is gone. So today, I will speak the name Charlotte. I will pray for her family. I will write her name on my board tomorrow morning at school. I will mourn the loss of her potential and light.

Today, I also lift up in prayer the family of Dr. Robert Scheidt.  What an amazing servant of the Lord!  Bob has received his heavenly reward.  The loss we feel is overwhelming, but being a Christian gives us certainty that death is not the end.

As we move through this week, let us love one another.  I sense so much hate and anger around this massacre in Connecticut.  So many people have been broken by this.  I challenge us to look around our own little world and see the broken people.  Then we must love them, help them, lift them, and touch their lives.  I think of Mom and how much she reached out to people in the last year of her life.  She had no speech and no ability to go to anyone.  So when they came through her door or walked across the lobby, SHE LOVED THEM.  She really and honestly loved them and gave them that smile, and they felt it and they were changed.  LET US LOVE ONE ANOTHER!   And God bless little Charlotte.

A few Sundays ago during Communion, I watched a mother and her adult daughter approach the altar to receive the bread and wine.  Sitting in the choir, I face the congregation and sometimes see things from a different viewpoint.  I had already taken my Communion. My mind was open and thinking about how miraculous it is to lay my sins before my Father who provided his Son as a living sacrifice.  It was at moment I noticed the daughter nudge the mom with her elbow.  They both smiled, maybe even giggled.  There was another nudge.  The “fun” was over that quickly, and they focused on receiving the elements.

I sat in my choir seat and smiled.  My heart smiled, too.  I have no idea what that moment was about between that mother and daughter, but I have had moments like that with my mom, my sister, my husband, my very close friends, and my children.  We have all had moments like that where something very personal crosses between another person and us.

That moment I watched between that mother and daughter may have a long history behind it.  It could have been related to something in that moment, but only those two fully understood what was going on and what the nudge meant.  It was so quick that had I been looking in a slightly different direction I would have missed it.

When I saw this mom and daughter that Sunday I was reminded of my own relationship with my mom, but then also of Psalm 139:1-6 and the amazing relationship I have with my Lord.

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from far away. You search out my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, O Lord, you know it completely. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is so high that I cannot attain it.”

Having a mom or sister or friend, who knows what you have been through, why you hurt, how to comfort you, how to make you laugh, and when to just be there is one of the most important things in our lives.  Someone who knows us…who does not need for us to explain….who understands what we mean with just a look.  Those are the people who hold us up and make us fully human.  As I watched the mother and daughter nudge one another, I asked myself, why do I so easily forget that God is a friend just like that….only on a much more intimate level.  He is that friend who knows what I need and where I have been.  I do not need to speak a word to God for Him to understand what I need.  What he desires is a relationship with me, and he is nudging me and smiling at me everyday.  Why do I forget to build that relationship with Him?

I think after watching someone you love suffer physically, it takes a long time to process how it really affected you.  Often the emotional toil that you wrestle with inside yourself is more troubling and painful than the physical time and dedication necessary to properly care for the one disabled.  It is human nature to make “it” all about us while failing to see the bigger picture.  Grief happens in stages.  And God has his hand on all of it.

I know many people were amazed at, what some perceived as, my emotional strength during Mom’s visitation and final celebration.  It was not amazing at all.  I actually lost my mom on August 29, 2011.  Since my children were born, I feared losing my mom.  How would I function? What would I do without her helping me?  Well, on August 29 of last year, I found out.  God gave me a year to learn to live without her help in my life.  I know now that I can live without her.  During the last year, I have gone through the stages of loss.  I have dealt with my anger and sadness while having the gift of still having her around.  I learned so much from her in the last year, but during all that, I really prayed for her to go.

Yes, it was selfish.  Caring for disabled loved one is just plain hard to do and made harder when that person cannot fully communicate.  You worry about finances and medical issues.  You rework your life to fit the new situation, and you wish it was all over.  In the last year, I clung to Revelations 21: 1-6 which says,

Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”⁶ He said to me: “It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life.”

I wanted Mom to receive this promise.  I felt guilty every time someone I knew or knew of was able to die during the year of Mom’s illness.  Why is she able to die and not Mom?  Why can he die so quickly after a stroke and Mom is still here?  I felt guilty and selfish and so conflicted about praying that my mother could just be done with her time in her flawed body.  I wanted there to be no more tears.  I did trust God, but I should have trusted him more.  He already had the hour of her death chosen, and when that hour came, I was FULLY ready for it.  My dad was fully ready as well.  We were both very calm when it happened.  God was getting us ready.

This week has been a hard one for me.  I really, really miss my mom.  I have had time for my life to “return to normal,” and now I really wish she was here.  I am in a new stage of mourning, but I would have it no other way.  My heart has been broken open, and I am leaving it open…wide open to the voice of God.  I have so much  that I want to share on this blog.   God is showing me connections and asking me to share them with you.  My prayers about Mom have been answered and now Revelations 21 is a hymn of praise for me.  Not only will I be made new in Christ and see my mom again, but God is making us new each day.  He is Alpha and Omega.  I, therefore, have nothing to fear.

The First UM Choir that sang at Mom’s funeral has in its repertoire a beautiful setting of Revelations 21: 1-4 called “God Shall Wipe Away All Tears.”  We have performed it several times in the 16 years I have sung with them.  Last spring, we sang the piece for a regular service and a concert in April.  I thought how meaningful it would be this to be sung at Mom’s funeral some day.  I never mentioned this to anyone.  It is not an easy song to perform, so I did not offer it as a possibility for Mom’s funeral.  Instead we chose to have the verses of Revelation 21 read during the service.  Then this past Sunday these verses came up in the lectionary.  It was also All Saints Sunday, the Sunday on which the church honors those who have left us in the last year; and the choir sang the song.  God worked it all out.   I praised God for showing me his love in my life.  I praised God for the newness of each day.  And I praised God that Mom’s tears and sorrow are no more.  CLICK THE LINK BELOW TO HEAR THE READING OF THE NAMES AND THE CHORAL ANTHEM.

Video from Nov 4, 2012 service at First UM church

Romans 8:18 says, “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”  It is a verse that helps me make sense of the suffering in the world.  So often it is difficult to wrap our minds and experiences around these events.  It is also a verse that reminds me to stop wasting time on issues that have little meaning in the scheme of my bigger work.  But there are still those events and moments that stop us in our tracks.  Why would a beautiful, vibrant child have cancer?   How can that person be going through yet another health crisis?  Is the family really dealing with such suffering again?  Why did he have to grow up with out a mother?  And on and on and on.  We all have the moments where our intellectual minds cannot fathom why something is happening.

What me miss is the gift in these moments.  The gift of seeing how wonderful our life is.  I would not trade my life for any other.  Yes, I miss Mom everyday.  Yes, I think daily how much I need her.  Yes, I wish the last year could have been different.  But, I have healthy children.  I have my health.  I spend time with my dad everyday.  In my experience, with Mom I also learned not to wait or waste.  Today may be the last chance for you to connect with those you love.  God forced me to be with my mom on the day she died….yes, he forced me.  I resisted every step of the way.  I cursed the events that made me be with Mom that day.   I now fully understand that all my frustrations of that day was a waste of energy.  I now praise and thank God for putting me with her that day.

Do not waste the moment.  Do not live a life of regret.  Thank God for the trials of this world.  In my experience, the trials are set before us to make the normal moments of life seem like a blessing.  They are also set before us to help us understand what others are going through.  I am so thankful that I have a Savior who knows what it is like to live as a human and be frustrated and tempted and hurt.  When I cry out to Him, He not only hears but He fully understands my need.

Take time this week to slow down and notice the beauty and subtleties of those around us.  Take time to pray.  Life is so hectic and so fast.  Technology connects us in good ways, makes our lives easier….but do we let it set our pace?  Take time to slow down and notice and pray.

While preparing photos for Arla’s visitation, my sister and I noticed something.  When Mom looked at a baby, she always tilted her head to one side.  I just noticed it again today when I opened the blog.  There is a picture of her and Evan at the Van Wert County Fair, and her head is tilted.  Last night, God set up a scenario where I had to get out the genealogy information about the family.  Jared, Janeen’s youngest, needed it for school.  I scanned what I had and emailed it off, but then I slowed down and read the information about the Allen family to my dad.  I have never talked with my dad about his Grandpa Allen.  It was a nice 30 minute conversation about that side of the family.

Today, I am going to slow down and pray and thank God for these beautiful moments and open myself to other moments for prayer.  I can think of several times in my day when I could pray…. scraping frost off the car, standing at the copy machine making copies, driving from the sitter’s to work, waiting in line at the bank, eating lunch alone in my classroom, and on and on.

What beautiful moments are you overlooking?   What prayer time are you wasting?  Join me and slow down today.

The Arla Allen blog will continue.  It will have a new focus.  A continued focus of hope but a new focus of sharing the power of God in our lives.  We plan to rework the look of the blog while keeping Arla’s presence there.  We decided today to simplify the web address.  It is now arlaallen.com.  Arla always laughed about being on the Internet.  She did not know how to use a computer, but the computer age served her well.

How are we doing?  The family is fine.  Janeen is exhausted and has picked up a virus, so pray for her.  Mary Ann is back at work while working on all the things that come with settling an estate.  Carl. too, is working and going about the business of his life.   Harold is already an official volunteer at Vancrest.  Today, he is driving the Vancrest van on an outing for the assisted living residents.

God IS good…..all the time !!!!!!