Consider it pure joy!

Tribute to Arla Allen—as shared at her celebration of life and resurrection service on Sept 29, 2012

Good morning.  Arla would want me to greet you in the name of our Risen Lord.  It is by his blood that today she sits in paradise with her God.  I am Mary Ann, the oldest child of Arla and Harold.  Being the oldest, and quite frankly the bossiest, I get to speak on behalf of Arla’s children.  I have two children, Erik and Evan with my husband Joe.  My younger sister Janeen and her husband Bob have three children,  Kelsey, Zachary and Jared.  Our baby brother Carlton is Dad to Sarah, Megan, and Savanna.   Mom was our greatest supporter, our gentle leader, the lover of everything we did, and the foundation of our lives.  She met our needs, soothed our fears, and gave us a zest for living.  She also showed us the power of God in our lives.  She never demanded respect or love.  As we prepared to offer to tribute to our mother, we realized how completely impossible it is to say all that she was to all people.  How can you open the hearts of many to see what she did in their lives?  You cannot.

Her example was our teacher.  Her fortitude was our compass.  Her love was our fortune and treasure.  So what was it really like growing up with Arla as a mom?   She was fun and frustrating, perfect and flawed at the same time.  She made us fight our own battles.   She loved unconditionally. However, living in the midst of that love everyday made us immune to the full effect of its power.  Last night we listened over and over as you shared your stories of how our mother touched your lives.  These were very specific, special moments.  How her touch showed compassion, how her smile changed your mood, how her attitude spurred you on, how her concern and the sound of her speaking your name calmed your fears.  We are only beginning to understand the power of her love.  When you were one of her children, that unwavering love seemed normal….nothing special really.  We knew we were loved.  We never doubted it.   But, we are all convinced that those outside her immediate family benefited from her love and devotion far more than we did.  She was by far the most unselfish person we know.   Unselfish to the point of choosing not to overindulge any of us, and instead meet our needs and then spread some love around.  How comforting it is to know that our Holy Father loves us like this…constant, unwavering, eternal…but his love for us is far deeper than anything Arla gave us.  And even as I took my mom’s love for granted, I do the same with the love God has for me.  During the last year, God has been teaching us, through Mom, to seek his love and be present in it.

Almost a year ago, on Mom’s birthday I read devotional with  a Living Bible translation of Hebrews 10:24 which says  “In response to all he has done for us, let us outdo each other in being helpful and kind to each other and in doing good.”  The devotion was about the importance of being a builder of people.  My parents were a building team.  Dad built the physical homes and businesses that people live and work in daily.  And Mom built up the people who dwelled and toiled there.  Together they did a lot of building…. and their teamwork was still strong even until her last moments.  After reading this devotional, I wrote the following on Mom’s blog, the title of the post was…Be a builder of people. “The title of this post could be Arla’s mission statement.  She has spent her entire life being a builder and encourager of people.  She has an unselfish nature.  And that unselfishness has become embedded in the fabric of her family.  We have all become encouragers and builders of those around us.  We love everyone and feel most fulfilled when we are helping others.”

Mom spent many days calling and writing to people, those who were ill or going through loss.  Driving people to school or appointments.   She knew people, sincerely cared about them, and remembered them by name.  Whether they were former customers of the Van Wert Gospel Gift Shop or patrons calling to make reservations at the Van Wert Civic Theatre, Mom knew these people and greeted them by name.  The way she made people feel in her presence was her gift.  Arla remained a people builder even after her stroke.  She was touching the lives of people at Vancrest and building them with her smile and her strength.  There are so many people we talked to last night that only knew Mom because she lived at Vancrest.  She spoke volumes to these people even though she could not form words.   During the last year, Mom could not speak; she was unable to move her right side; she could not care for herself.  However, she was still encouraging people everyday.  What are we not doing in our lives that we could be doing?  What is holding us back from doing the full work of our lives?  What opportunities are we missing to be a help to others?  Who needs you today?  Mom let nothing hold her back.  Yesterday afternoon at Vancrest a service of remembrance was held in Mom’s honor.  Such a service has never been done for a resident who has died.  However, those who knew her felt the need to gather in her memory.  She brought happiness and comfort to those who worked with her and met her.  I think she had become the light of the rehab.

The last year has been chaos and joy mixed together.  Joy for those who met Mom and worked with her and visited her.  Chaos as the business of caring for a disabled loved one piles on us.  Joy for Harold and Arla who got to spend many hours of quality time together.  Joy for their children to watch them be tender and loving with one another.  Chaos as life routines changed, guilt welled up, frustration took over, and anger wormed its way into the day.  But one joy has overpowered all chaos.  The joy is the knowledge that so many faithful believers prayed daily for Mom’s healing.  We, her children, must admit that we never prayed for Mom’s full and complete healing.  We never believed it would happen.  We know many of you did pray for her to regain the ability to walk and talk.  Your faithfulness to prayer is what held us up through this last year.  Thank you for this.  However, we now see that our doubt was silly for today our mother is fully healed.  She walks and talks …..  and sings.

Mom underlined some verses in James Chapter 1 in a Mom’s devotional Bible she gave to Janeen.  These words from James explain clearly how Mom went about her daily life and what she confirmed to us to be her faith in God.

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
19 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, 20 because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. 21 Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent… and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.
22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24 and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.
26 Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. 27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

Mom lived the word of God.  As is said in James Chapter 1, do not just listen to the word of God.  We must do what it says.  My mom showed me daily how to live the word of God.  Her Christlike compassion set my siblings and me on a path of success.  Her quiet nature strengthened her marriage to our dad.  Her nurturing spirit has been placed in the hearts of her grandchildren.  On the morning of Mom’s stroke, Mom’s nurse was asking Mom about her family.  “Do you have any grandkids?” the nurse asked.  Mom replied, “Yes.”  “Well, how many,” the nurse asked.  “Eight,” Mom said.  “What ages?” the nurse asked.  Mom never replied.  She was having the stroke at that moment.  How fitting that the last verbal conversation Mom had was about her grandchildren, who all carry pieces of her.

Kelsey has been given the singing gift and exudes the quiet, calming listening skill that her grandma had.  And while she may not believe it, she has Grandma’s rock solid strength in time of distress. When her own mother was ill a year ago, Kelsey stepped up and took charge. She is the oldest and she is the peacemaker.

Zachary can calm with a touch.  His is quiet observer who is thinking about the situation and how to best approach it.  If you walk in a room with a baby, Zach is the first one who wants to get his hands on that baby.  Babies love Zach,  and Zach loves babies.  Just like Grandma did.  Zach has the gift of the unspoken conversation.

Jared and Grandma had a special bond.  Jared is a people person, a question asker, a charmer, a talker, a free spirit who livens the room when he walks in.  Grandma was the only person who would play games with Jared when he was little.  These games had unwritten rules and usually ended with Jared stomping off because Grandma was not playing right.  But Grandma was always up for a challenge, just like Jared is.  Jared loves the uncharted territory and has also been given Grandma’s musical gift and gift for people.  Rarely, does Jared ask me a question without saying my name first.

Sarah also calls people by name. She has the quiet nurturing touch of Grandma.  She is a caregiver.  She is happiest when she is caring for others….sounds just like Arla, doesn’t it.

I am sure many of your met Megan last night.  I do not need to describe Megan.  If you met her, you felt special and loved.  She stood in the receiving line near Grandpa for most of the night…extending her hand and introducing herself.  She offered words of comfort.  “My grandma was a nice lady.”  “You are probably sad about my grandma.”   Later, she moved down the line and greeted those waiting.  She was rock solid, caring, and unwavering last night.  She has the gift for loving and accepting all people. Sound familiar?

Erik finds peace in understanding how the world works and where he fits into it.  Grandma and he were attached at the hip for the early years of his life.  I watched her model her faith for him.  She introduced him to prayer and showed him how prayer is important.  He went to prayer team meetings with her.  I have watched my son pray publicly and specifically for the needs of others.  He has many of Grandma’s gifts…music, love, faith, sense of humor… but he seems less like Grandma than the other grandkids.  I believe he is the mustard seed in the family.  Grandma has planted one of her talents in him and he will grow it to be strong.

Evan is the lover of all.  If you need some love, or sugar, as we call it in our family, Evan is there. Without prompting, he will tell you he loves you or offer a hug.  He sees the world as a beautiful place.  He approaches life from a happy angle.  He has Grandma’s talent for knowing what is needed in the moment. With one small token or gesture, that would seem insignificant at any other time, Evan changes the mood.  And he also has the musical gift.  I think I have a fine tenor in the works with Evan.

And little Savanna.  She is so calm and sweet.  Just being in her presence makes you happy.  Being only 2 years old, he will probably not remember Grandma, but she has many of Grandma’s gifts.

Mom knew she had the right ticket…the ticket to heaven….and she would tell you today to get your ticket.  How comforting it was for Harold to hear her say after her heart attack, “You know I am not afraid to die. I know where I am going.”  Mom would also tell you to not feel one ounce of guilt for meaning to send her that card or not being able to make that visit.  She would tell you to pass it on to someone else.  There are plenty of people who need to feel the presence of God in their lives.  It is now our job to pick up the slack and pass on the message of love.   God, our Father, loves us so much that he sent his Son Jesus to die on the cross to pardon our sin.  God waits for us in Glory.  We can all see Arla again.  All it takes is the acceptance of God’s grace.  Christ waits to have relationship with each of us.  Mom did not fear death.  She understood that death was the passage to life eternal.   Today she is whole, perfect, loved, and singing loudly.  She has not been taken from us but has been received by her Holy Father.  And one day, if we have right ticket,  she will greet us with her smile.  Thanks be to God.

The arrangements for Arla’s funeral and celebration of life are as follows— visiting at Alspach Gerhart Funeral Home in Van Wert from 4 to 8 p.m. on Friday.  Funeral is Saturday at 10:30 a.m. at the First United Methodist Church.

Praise the Lord that today our beautiful loving wife, mother, grandmother, aunt, sister Arla has left her failing earthly body to be made whole again through the power of Jesus Christ, who loves us all. Her death was very sudden, quick, and unexpected.  We are brokenhearted and wounded. We miss her desperately, but we believe that Arla has fulfilled her earthly purpose and now communes with her God. Thank you for loving her during this last year. Thank you for praying for her. SHE LOVED ALL OF YOU.

From Psalm 147

Praise the Lord.
How good it is to sing praises to our God,
how pleasant and fitting to praise him!
He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds.
He determines the number of the stars
and calls them each by name.
Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
his understanding has no limit.
The Lord sustains the humble
but casts the wicked to the ground.
Sing to the Lord with grateful praise;
make music to our God on the harp.
His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse,
nor his delight in the legs of the warrior;
the Lord delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love.

The Psalmist said it, and God’s word is accurate. So why do we not trust it?  “Be still and know that I am God.”  Be still.  Not crazy.  Not stressed.  Not worried.  Not inconvenienced.  Not ticked off.  Not opposed.  BE STILL.

And know.  Not be pretty sure.  Not think about.  Not forget.  Not pretend.  Not hope.  KNOW.

That I am God.  Not in charge of some of it.  Not there IF you need me.  Not on the side watching.  I AM GOD.  I am the great I Am.  I hold you in the palm of my hand.  I knew you before you were born.  I can, and will, handle it.

Today, we took Arla to see the Gastroenterologist.  Her PEG Tube (percutaneous endoscopic gastrostomy tube or feeding tube) was becoming discolored inside.  The Vancrest nursing staff was concerned and called to make an appointment with the doctor who inserted it over a year ago.  Sounds easy.  Sounds logical.  Not simple at all.  The nurse who made the appointment assumed (not sure why) that the doctor had an office in Van Wert and that Arla would be going to an office in Van Wert.  Transporting Arla to this appointment would require an ambulance since the doctor would most likely want her in a prone position to look at the tube.  Moving Arla from a wheelchair to an exam table in a doctor’s office is impossible.  After several questions and more than a couple phone calls, the necessary people figured out that this doctor had his office at Lutheran Hospital, so Arla would be going to Fort Wayne for the appointment.  Not a big deal, but Mary Ann, who goes to all Arla’s appointments, needed to request leave from work.  In the mean time, the conversations about the necessity for the tube, and is it time to take it out, started up again.

Well, Arla got there and back with no problems.  In less than an hour after arrival at the office, we were seen and on our way home.  In fact, the most calming receptionist on the planet checked us in.   Her PEG tube is fine.  In fact, the Physician’s Assistant said the area on her stomach where her PEG comes through is one of the best she has seen in awhile.

As Arla continues to work on being able to swallow thinner liquids, the conversation needs to happen about whether it would be good to just remove PEG tube.  Arla currently takes all her nutrition via mouth and most of her liquids via mouth.  The tube is used as a convenience to administer a couple meds.  The rest of her medications are taken by mouth.

Today, after all the tension and stress of coordinating and getting to an appointment, God reminded Mary Ann of the gift the appointment was.  She drove to Fort Wayne alone.  Busy moms rarely get alone time.  She had a chance to see the colors of fall beginning to show.  She got home before the rest of her family and had  moment of quiet.   She thought of Arla who had a chance to get out of the skilled nursing facility.   Then God said… “Be still and know that I am God.”  So Mary Ann sat down to post it on the blog.  God loves you.  He is in charge ALL THE TIME.  Let peace enter your life and let God take charge.  Amen!

In our year of trial, one thing has uplifted us more than anything.  And that is your prayers.  The community of believers who surround Arla and her family is amazing.  Arla always prayed.  She believed in its power.  What a simple act is prayer.  It only takes a moment to become directly connected to our Lord.

Our Creator loves us with a love that we can barely fathom at times.   He created each of us uniquely and had a plan for us before we were even conceived.  His grace and mercy are unmatched.   And still there are those days when we fight against His grace.  We try to do the tasks of the day alone.  Even in our daily task we can turn to God and say, “Give me strength; give me patience; show me how to do this.”  Why do we forget?  Why do we so often go it alone?

Thank you for praying for us this year.  There were many, many times we were so far down in the trenches that we forgot to look up and say, “Help me, Lord.  I cannot do this alone.  Hold me.  Guide me.  Show me.”  Tonight, we pray that God will richly bless all of you who have been faithful in your belief and your prayer.  It meant EVERYTHING!

One small update–Arla will be doing speech therapy again.  One goal will be to see if we can move her off the thickened liquids.  The therapy team also feels Arla is at a point where she is more focused and “willing” to participate in the therapies.  Now, if we can just get Harold to be quiet and let Arla speak.  🙂

Happy Birthday, Mary Ann.

Today, Arla and Harold celebrated the birthday of their oldest child.  Mary Ann and her family shared birthday cake with them at Vancrest.  There is a slight resemblance between mother and daughter….don’t you think?  🙂

Arla and Harold spent about four hours at the Van Wert County Fair on Friday.  Vancrest transports residents to the fair and Vantage Career Center students who are/were part of the Early Childhood Education program escort the residents around the fairgrounds.  Arla missed the fair last year because she was in Lutheran Hospital, but this year, once again, she got to experience the sights and sounds and smells of the fair.  Life is good!

It has been one year.  One year since Arla woke feeling ill and was admitted to Lutheran Hospital.  It was a Sunday morning.  She was having a mild heart attack.  The next morning, she suffered the massive left brain stroke.

If you are catching up on the blog or reading for the first time, I will answer your first question.  How is Arla?  She is really doing well.  Her health is stable (blood pressure…the best it has been in years, her heart is great, she eats well).  The stroke effects are long term.  She has no use of her right arm and virtually no speech.  Her memory is intact; she knows people and understands what is happening around her.  She cannot stand or walk and cannot move herself from bed to chair.   Second question–Will she be coming home?  No.  As a family, we have chosen to have her stay in skilled nursing.  They have the equipment and facilities to care for her and move her.

Life is hard, but life is good.  Our advice to you….prepare for the future.  It is coming.  Keep your relationships strong.  Designate (legally) those who can make decisions for you and care for your finances and other needs.  Trust in God and build a strong relationship with Him.  When the bottom of life falls out, God is there.  Our family cannot image how those without faith make it through the tough times.  Even when we did not know if Arla would live or die, we were rejoicing.  We did not want to lose her, but we had peace.  And today we have peace because God is working in and through Arla.  She blesses the world everyday.

Today Arla and Harold celebrate 52 years of marriage.  This has been a year of changes.  But one thing has not changed and has grown strong in this year of trials….and that is the love that Arla and Harold have for one another.

After the gathering at Mary Ann and Joe’s home, the family went to eat with Arla at Vancrest.  For the first time since her stroke, all her children and grandchildren got to sit together and eat with her.  Arla was happy and quietly counted all the grandkids….1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7.  She had all but one present with her on Sunday.  The meal was shredded chicken sandwiches and chips.  Simple, homemade, hot, and filling.

Once everyone got their sandwich, it was business as usual.  A family meal with all the silliness and messiness and moms getting kids what they needed and laughter.  A few things were a little different.  Jared was helping Grandma wipe the chicken from her chin…instead of the other way around.  And the grandchildren led the conversation.  They offered the news of the day instead of Grandma asking.  Other than that…it really was business as usual.  Arla watched to be sure everyone had what they needed….sandwich, napkin, chips, drink, place to sit…. and indicated who needed something.  When it was time to clean up, she had her eye on every crumb that needed to be wiped off the table.

At that point the meaningful family conversations began.  Who can wiggle their hair?  If you have never seen Harold do this, be sure to ask for a demonstration.  The hair moving trait has been passed down to some of the children.  Janeen has the skill, and her son Jared is a master.  He may even be able to learn to wiggle his ears.  Who can touch their nose with their tongue?  This skill has been passed to Mary Ann, and she is training Evan.  But, by far, Megan is a master.  The grandchildren then offered a new skill for all to try.  It involved grabbing your hands backward and moving them down and up toward your chest.  You then had to lift an elbow up over your upper arm to create a loop with your forearms.  The last step was to put your head through the loop.  I think some of the Vancrest staff thought we had lost our minds when they saw a group of people doing that activity in the conference room.

Kelsey had a photo album for Grandma with pictures from some important events.  And then we took family pictures.  It was a good meal.  It felt normal!!!!

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